To start

Crying. Diapers. Fits....
Could imagne my life like this 4 years ago, or even 3 years ago.
But yet, here I am. Just me, and my son and this horrible dirty thing I call an apartment.
Sitting on the couch, trying to think of were to even begin. Were to start. I'm not an artist, or even a writer. I am not creative or passionte. I try to make what I'm typing sound interesting when I realize I cant even spell right half the time.
I'm a mother now, I didnt expect this years ago. I thought I'd be in college by now. Hanging out with friend, and trying to live my life as a 20 something college student. But I'm not. I'm changing diapers, because my 2 year-old cant seem to wanna potty train. I'm working 40+ a week, just trying to survive. I clean my house on normal basis. Tai doesnt want to leave his toys in his toybox. Or let alone, leave anything alone for that matter. Hes running around the house naked, because, I dont want to stick his diaper on. I got up early this morning to go to work and my feet hurt. I feel the laziness kicking in. It wont hurt him to run around the diaper. I'm sure its not a bad thing to be running around with no diaper.
I mean, after all... Its just me and my fiance. So who the hell cares, right. But yet, I'm going on and on about the fact that it doesnt matter. When I know it does.
So I go and put his diaper on. Hes okay now. Not completly nude. And I'm still realizing that I cant spell right.
I look back at all the things that mattered to me when I was in high school and middle school.
All the dumb things I worried about. Not knowing that a few or many short years, I would be a mother. Completely depressed that I havent done anything more with my life.
Dont get me wrong, I love my life. The thought of my son loving me as much as he does and the way that I will be able to see him grow; is amazing.
But I cant help but feel like I am sitting like a lump on a log. I'm sitting on a computer, blogging about how I need to do more with myself. But I wont.
I will sit here, day after day, not doing anything.

And so the depression sinks in again. Why wont I do anything, Because....
Well I havent really thought about it.
Time?
Money?
No! Stop making excuses. But thats just the thing. I feel as if they arent really excuses. But the truth.
Everything now-a-days takes lots of time and money to even get ahead. You have to give some to get some? Well yes, But I feel like I have gave so much. I'm not appericated the way I should be. I work hard everyday to barely survive. Now I'm complaning, that the world, itself, hasnt given me enough. When truthfully, the world doesnt need to give me anything. I need to go out there and get it myself. But by myself?
Of course, because like I said, I'm under apperciated. So I will always have to do it myself, But thats how you get somewhere, isnt it? By yourself.
I guess we will have to wait and see.